I need to chew on this some more. The dialogue(s) is wonderful. Each player has a distinct voice and accompanying mannerism to root them.
I might be having trouble with the visuals. I happen to be familiar with the portrayed region so I know for instance what color a blooming wisteria is. Shapes are described very well. Clusters of shapes (alcove) are equally well-assembled.
It may be a matter of color and hue. And it may be a matter of my own sensibility. I am going to locate a similar sample of my writing for comparison. It may be that because I know your theater the colors come to me automatically. But what if this scene was in Vermont (a place I do not know intimately)? Could I "see" the roof, the leaves, the gravel and other components? Does it even matter?
What I would propose to do is a submission of my own writing from a similar region. I can hit you with North Carolina or Virginia. I wonder if (we) the author(s) visualize the color and hue and shape so intimately that we overlook a reader who is not so familiar with the regional aspects of wisteria versus Spanish Moss or honeysuckle.
'A tulip is a tulip but what color is the tulip or does it even matter?'
I think I could have as easily said ivy or another climbing vine for the arbor here, especially since it’s September and (by then) NC wisteria is long past flowering. It’s more to set the image in someone’s mind of a leafy roof overhead.
I need to read it a third time away from a stuffy office.
You artfully set mood and atmosphere which is generally the goal. There is something about the textures of it (colors and shapes primarily) that is likely my own sensibility instead of a commercial barrier.
It is why I need to compare it against a sample of my own writing. I may be guilty of the exact thing I am perceiving here.
I need to chew on this some more. The dialogue(s) is wonderful. Each player has a distinct voice and accompanying mannerism to root them.
I might be having trouble with the visuals. I happen to be familiar with the portrayed region so I know for instance what color a blooming wisteria is. Shapes are described very well. Clusters of shapes (alcove) are equally well-assembled.
It may be a matter of color and hue. And it may be a matter of my own sensibility. I am going to locate a similar sample of my writing for comparison. It may be that because I know your theater the colors come to me automatically. But what if this scene was in Vermont (a place I do not know intimately)? Could I "see" the roof, the leaves, the gravel and other components? Does it even matter?
What I would propose to do is a submission of my own writing from a similar region. I can hit you with North Carolina or Virginia. I wonder if (we) the author(s) visualize the color and hue and shape so intimately that we overlook a reader who is not so familiar with the regional aspects of wisteria versus Spanish Moss or honeysuckle.
'A tulip is a tulip but what color is the tulip or does it even matter?'
I think I could have as easily said ivy or another climbing vine for the arbor here, especially since it’s September and (by then) NC wisteria is long past flowering. It’s more to set the image in someone’s mind of a leafy roof overhead.
If the scene were in the Spring—much different!
I need to read it a third time away from a stuffy office.
You artfully set mood and atmosphere which is generally the goal. There is something about the textures of it (colors and shapes primarily) that is likely my own sensibility instead of a commercial barrier.
It is why I need to compare it against a sample of my own writing. I may be guilty of the exact thing I am perceiving here.